The Reason Why You Shouldn’t be an Invisible Doormat
It’s been a while since I have written anything. I have been a bit frazzled on what to write about. Lots of topic I have thought about but none stuck, until last night.
I was on the phone with a friend I used to have feelings for. I have written about him before. He was telling me about is recently relationship and how he feels about the most recent girl. That is wonderful I am genuinely happy for people when they find love. After all I love love.
The problem is how he was talking about her. Telling me he finally found a “good girl”.
I don’t see myself as a bad girl. I actually wish I had more of a backbone because I can’t even handle confrontation. I am never mean in a relationship and I keep complaining nagging to a minimum. I am not the type of girl who makes you choose over me over your friends. Or they type that asks for a lot.
All I want out a relationship is mutual affection, compassion and understanding. All that it really needs is love (or a very strong like). So if this constitutes a “good girl” why was I never seen or described that way?
It seems to me that maybe I have made myself so much a “people pleaser” that I am turning in to an invisible doormat.
I say doormat because more than half of the time you don’t even know you are walking all over one but you are. And when you notice it’s there it is a just a nice coincidence. I honestly don’t even know what to do to change this since I also don’t want to be a mean person. How do you stop being invisible or a doormat, or even a invisible doormat?
Move On To The Next One…Maybe.
Over the past couple of months I have noticed my own faults. It’s odd that I have noticed them because I have also tried to stop analyzing myself. The one thing I did notice was transference.
When I was about 19, I dated a guy and after things ended I decided to date another guy to get over him (oddly enough they had the same name). It worked to an extent. I did stop thinking about the first guy but now they way I felt about the first guy I felt about the second one. I transferred my feelings. I will say that the second guy did give me reasons to like him for him at the time. I knew that I was doing all this back then.
Recently, I noticed that I have done this with most of the guys I have developed feelings for. Even the last guy I couldn’t get out of my head. Originally he was there and he helped me push back my feelings for the one man I truly loved. Over time, I noticed that I developed feelings for him. In the past six years I think I truly really like three or four people. Because of these four people I transferred feelings to others.
I feel quite horrible about it. Without even thinking about it I used people. I guess I really need to learn to get myself some space before dating other people.
Time Can Only Tell..
Looking back on the past as I do at least once a week I realized one important thing; time tells you everything. Its hard to deny it. As I sat in the car with a past flame this came to mind… “I swear that I thought I loved him at some point but how?”
See he indeed made his place in my history and I surely made an impact on him but now that I think about it..I never really loved him. In the situation I was in with him I think I loved that he met a lot of my check list but I never really loved him. My taste has changed since I met him and so have my view on him. I do care for him as a friend but nothing more. The way he was acting it seems to be more.
Love lives are like clothes, you can like the feeling of the material or love the look but what someone really need is something that is their unique fashion and fits like a glove. Otherwise, you will be out of you comfort zone.
The Great Expectations
What is your type? Tall, dark and handsome or funny, smart and creative.
As much as we should know what we want there is a difference between preferences and types. Types are limiting; preferences are not.
I say limiting because some one might be wonderful but you won’t date them because…they don’t have blue eyes or are from a certain place. It is understandable to have expectations like they have to have a job or understand your religious views but not things like hair and eye color. I had a discussion with a good friend on this subject and he told me; if you have a type you will eventually be dating the same person with a different face.
For the most part that is a fact. There was a time when I loved the bad boys but that was the point they were bad. As much as I liked that type they didn’t ever had any of my preferences besides music taste. See preferences are just that. You would prefer the person to have them but you would date they even if they didn’t because you are have a connection. Types are what you restrict yourself to dating.
Don’t limit yourself. If you really want someone that bad do you really have the right to be picky?