Losing My Religion.

I have pretty much given up most of, if not all, my faith up on a successful relationship for me.

I am not bitter about it nor am I happy about; just indifferent to it. I don’t have a problem attracting people, but I have become to smart to give anyone a chance.

I start flirting with someone and when they show a genuine interest, I leave. Most people do this because they have been hurt to much, I don’t. Those times I was hurt were proud battle wounds. Lessons learned. I don’t enjoy being alone but I am not angry about it either. I just rather not waste my time one meeting people who’s intent is purely sexual.

I understand that there has to be a certain amount of sexual attraction at first glance, but for some reason mine never goes past that.

Dating has just become more than my cup of tea. Too much.

Cheater, Cheater, Pumpkin Eater.

  Cheating can break your relationship most of the time. Cheating effects both parties emotionally. I know this because I have been cheated on and cheated on someone.

 A few years back, I was in a committed relationship. In the beginning of our two year relationship I cheat on my boyfriend with my ex/his “friend”. The feeling  is horrible. I think that it takes some one who really doesn’t care not to feel horrible about it. I spent nights crying about it and asking a friend if I should tell him. I did and we broke up for a while. Most recently, I got cheated on. He told me just like I had told my ex. He cried and told me he understood if I left him. I didn’t.

See the thing about cheating is not everyone applies to the whole “once a cheater always a cheater”. I think when someone seeks to cheat on you and has no shame then be mad. If they do it and feel remorseful then give them one more chance. Sure after that there will be some trust issues but if you see that person genuinely sorry about what they did, try. 

 I rarely have told people about me cheating because they will see me as a cheater. What they don’t know is that I was abused for it. So much so that I am deathly afraid of cheating again. But honestly, would you tell someone you cheated in the past if you though that they would stay in your future, or does your past say in the past?

Pandora’s 7 Layer Relationship Cake
“Truth is, everybody is going to hurt you; you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for.” -Bob Marley.”

It’s a quote that I love but seem to forget.

Every since I was a teenager I have always had an issue with the word love and what it comes with. When people hurt me so bad that I was to the point were I felt incapable of love. The truth is In order to feel the pain of hurt from other you must find love first.

I see this as a Pandora’s Box theory (don’t bother really looking but is something I came up with). In her box were the 7 sorrows of the world and after those sorrows had came and gone all that was left was hope. I see love the same way now. There has to be a whole lot of pain and sadness before you can get to that real love.

Fear is very common when it comes to love, so is confusion. When you get hurt so much or see some go though that pain you seem to back away. I understand this because this is how I think. And when you do have that love you seem to get confused. For instance, when you get in a relationship and you pass that 3 month phase called the “honeymoon phase”.  For someone like me who hasn’t been in a relationship in a long time you would think this would be the end of a relationship. The truth is that was only the beginning. Like cake the icing and the first layer is sweet and attractive, the second layer is less sweet but still sweet attractive. The only difference is one layer enticed you and the second already started out with you loving it. The question is if you really liked the icing and still like the icing they do you continue with the cake or throw it away mid-cake?