I often go through phases in my life. Phases are like books to me. After I read a book I see things and think of things differently, but during the book I follow the ups and downs.
I feel like I am in a different book in the series of my life. Over the years I have, undoubtedly, been more consumed about relationships than I should be. It is not a bad thing to want that companionship, it is bad when you think you can’t live with out it. Of course, it is only human nature to want and need that affection.
Now, though, I would only want it but not need it. I tried telling this to a friend. I told him that, in all honesty, I did not want to get married. He (as well as my best friend) said that it seems like I have commitment issues. This is positivity not true.
I will not lie and say that I haven’t had them before. Now, it is a much different time. I no longer feel the need to receive assurance from anyone but my self. This is what I think I truly wanted from past relationships. The greatest satisfaction I have received, recently, is from myself.
This is why I don’t want to get married (besides religious reasons, but that is a whole another blog that I would need to start). I feel like these days too many woman are searching for Mr. Right when they don’t realize that they are Ms. Right and don’t need the Mister. I would love companionship as much as the next person but my point is I don’t need it. I don’t need that Mr.Right to tell me how pretty I am or how smart I am. I can’t do that on my own. I don’t need that self-esteem boost from anyone but myself.
I am my own Ms. Right.
Shortly after posting Baggage Mininal, Please I recived quite a few text messages. I recieved the first one from the man I had dated and wrote about. He asked me why I wrote about him.
Frankly, I didn’t think he remembered me telling him that I write this blog. If he did remember he would have also remembered that I write about pretty much everything that happens in my dating life. Telling guys about it is their warning to what will come next. I never write about people out of spite. (I tend to draft those untill I can have a clear consensous about what I am trying to see if learned anything from the situation.)
The next message came from his wife. (Yes, his wife.) She cleared a few things up for me. Letting me know they were married and could prove it with a marriage license. After making some what of a truce, she asked me to tell her everything that happened. I did.
I see it as I deserved to know everything and she told me that. I owed her the same, because we both have been cheated. She was cheated on and lied to, but I was cheated out of the truth.
Turns out that my instincts where right. He was married, and I was made a secret. Never in my life do I want to be a secret to anyone or play second fiddle to anyone. Nor, should anyone who doesn’t choose to. What I have done from the beginning of dating him was ended because that is what my instincts told me to do.
It’s that time of year again. Everyone is getting married (or at the least) engaged. As a solider of love, I am happy that people can find the ones they want to spend their lives with.
The only thing is that I won’t congratulate people.These days, marriage has lost its special meaning. In about 30 years, I will congratulate the couple for making their marriage work for so long. Marriage is supposed to mean something that lasts. It is supposed to be your last commitment of love.
This is why I have also said in the past that someone as young as myself should not be getting married. We have not earned the knowledge to be married, to know what it takes to be with one person and only one.
We have just received a taste of freedom being away from family and parents. 2-3 years does not suffice for enough time to learn what you need for yourself. If you don’t not know what you need, how will you know what your mate needs from you?